How to Date with Intention: Real Advice from a Dating Coach (Not TikTok)
How to Date with Intention: What It Really Means (and What It’s Not)
If you’ve ever googled “how to date with intention” and ended up overwhelmed by a mix of inspirational quotes, 90s rom-com advice, and a TikTok that told you to “manifest your soulmate via your skincare routine” — this post is for you.
I sat down with Dr. Lida Far, a PhD-level Relationship & Sex Therapist, Matchmaker, and Dating Coach who *actually* knows what dating with intention looks like. (Spoiler: it involves more emotional clarity and fewer beige aesthetic mood boards.)
In this no-fluff, straight-talking interview, Lida shares what “intentional dating” really means, why people keep attracting the wrong types, how to bounce back from heartbreak, and what separates confidence from a performance. It’s part expert advice, part gentle reality check, and 100% better than whatever your friend’s cousin said at brunch last weekend.
Let’s get into it.
Dating with Intention in Real Life: Advice from a Dating Coach
Q: What does dating with intention look like in practice?
“Dating with intention means that you know yourself enough to know what you want, what you are ready for and how you show up in a relationship. Being authentic to yourself and your values as well as your non-negotiables.”
Read that again. No vibe tests. No 3-day rule. Just self-awareness, clarity, and being honest about your emotional bandwidth. Wild concept, right?
🚩 Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong People (and How Intentional Dating Helps)
Q: Why do some people keep attracting the wrong type — and how can intentional dating help?
“People that are afraid of being alone seem to have greater tendency to attract the wrong type and not being able to break away due to fear of being alone.”
Oof. We’re going deep. And yes, if your last 3 exes look different but gave you the same stress rash, it might be time to check your fear-of-loneliness settings.
🔍 Curious About Modern Matchmaking?
Before we dove into dating coaching, I sat down with Dr. Lida Far to talk about what matchmaking actually looks like in real life (spoiler: no secret stash of soulmates).
It’s thoughtful, intentional, and way deeper than a rom-com montage.
Confidence vs. Performance: A Reality Check for Intentional Dating
Q: What’s the difference between dating with confidence and just performing?
“Confidence is being comfortable with yourself and your values without having pressure to have someone want to date you. In essence, it is comfortable being in your ‘own skin’. It shows that you know that you are enough without the need to impress anyone.”
“Performance comes into play when one feels they need to put on a show to get others to like or impress them.”
If you’re “on” the whole date and leave feeling like you need a nap and a therapist… that was performance. Try showing up instead of showing off.
Rebuilding After Rejection: How to Date with Intention Again
Q: How can someone rebuild self-esteem and date with intention after a breakup?
“I help clients rebuild self-esteem by guiding them back to who they are—what they value, what makes them feel alive, and what they want their dating experience to look like moving forward.”
“We look at the patterns they want to leave behind, the strengths they may have forgotten they had, and the kind of connections that feel aligned for them. My role is to help them reconnect with their confidence, clarity, and sense of self so they can approach dating from a more empowered place rather than from hurt or fear.”
Better than a rebound hookup and a playlist of breakup anthems? 1000% yes.
Dating Coaching or Therapy? What Intentional Daters Actually Need
Q: When does someone need a dating coach — and when is therapy the better path for intentional connection?
“Coaching is for the person who is ready to elevate how they show up — to date with more intention, confidence, and strategy. It’s about real-time feedback, accountability, and learning how to pursue connection in a healthier way.”
“Therapy is for deeper emotional work. When someone feels overwhelmed by long-standing hurt, patterns, or self-doubt that impact their life beyond dating, therapy offers the space to process and rebuild from the inside out.”
“Both serve different purposes, and the right choice depends on what the individual is seeking.”
If you’re just confused about first dates and ghosting, coaching may be your move. If you’re still haunted by your ex from 2014? Hello, therapy.
The Fun Side of Dating with Intention: Myths, Icks, and Green Flags
Q: What’s a dating myth that totally contradicts how to date with intention?
“The idea that ‘if it’s meant to be, it will just happen.’ Healthy relationships don’t just appear — they’re created through intentional choices, emotional availability, and aligned effort.”
“Chemistry matters, but so do communication, clarity, and compatibility. Modern dating works best when people are active participants in creating the connection they want.”
Q: What’s your take on “the ick”? Gut instinct — or sabotage to intentional dating?
“I think you must listen to your gut instinct to gain clarity on why you have this feeling and don’t rush into anything.”
Q: What are common first date mistakes that ruin intentional connection?
“Not putting their best foot forward, expecting quick chemistry, and frequently checking their phone while on the date.”
(If your phone is your emotional support animal, maybe leave it in your pocket for 90 minutes?)
Q: How do you keep dating fun when you’re trying to date with intention?
“Try limiting time spent on the apps, and instead balance online dating with real-world connections — especially through activities you genuinely enjoy.”
Q: Green flags: What says someone is emotionally ready to date with intention?
“Genuine curiosity and clear communication are great signs. If you’re not left second-guessing their meaning or intent, you’re likely dealing with someone who’s emotionally available.”
Q: Dating with intention: How do you spot chemistry vs compatibility?
“Chemistry is more instant and compatibility shows up over time in daily life events.”
How to Date with Intention (Without Losing Your Mind)
- Know your “why”
Before you even open the apps or agree to drinks, get real with yourself. Are you dating for love, clarity, healing, fun, growth, or all of the above? Knowing your “why” will guide your “who.”
- Define your non-negotiables
Non-negotiables aren’t about pickiness — they’re about alignment. What values and lifestyle traits matter most to you? Skip the vibe checks. Start with the values check.
- Drop the performance
You don’t need to “wow” anyone. You need to be you. The right person wants to meet you, not your perfectly polished dating avatar. Authenticity is magnetic — even if it’s a little weird.
- Separate chemistry from compatibility
Just because someone gives you butterflies doesn’t mean they’d make a great partner. Chemistry is fast. Compatibility is what lasts. Don’t mix the two up (your therapist will thank you).
- Reflect after every date
Even if it flopped, every date is data. What did you notice about how you felt, what you want, or what you’re definitely not repeating? That’s intentional dating in action.
- Repeat with kindness
Intentional dating is a process. Keep showing up for yourself — with clarity, curiosity, and a little sass.
Quick Profile Tips to Support Dating with Intention
Q: Top dating profile mistakes that block intentional connection?
1. People need to write specifically what they are looking for instead of using vague phrases.
2. Using old photos or ones that are not clear that do not resemble what the person currently looks like.
3. Writing about previous dating experiences or negative experiences such as trauma.
✨ Want Dating Photos That Actually Match Your Energy?
Your dating photos should reflect how you want to be seen — confident, grounded, and 100% you.
No more awkward poses. No more photos that don’t feel like you. Let’s create something magnetic.
Q: Quick pep talk: How to date with intention after a breakup
“Show up as yourself and be curious and honest and go slow and don’t have high expectations. Just approach each situation as it comes up.”
Q: What mindset shift makes dating with intention easier right away?
“Put your best foot forward and be open and curious and remember that you also have a choice — that you can choose not to continue with the other person instead of thinking that you need to impress them and that they only get to choose.”
FAQs About How to Date with Intention (and Stay Sane Doing It)
Dating with intention means you’re clear on who you are, what you’re looking for, and how you want to show up. It’s not about forcing something to happen — it’s about being honest, present, and aligned with your values while dating.
Absolutely. The difference is how you use them — being intentional means you’re swiping with purpose, not boredom, and choosing matches that align with your relationship goals.
If you’ve taken time to reconnect with yourself, understand what you want, and feel emotionally open (even if nervous), you’re probably ready. It’s okay to go slow and stay curious.
You don’t need to feel 100% confident to start — you just need to be willing to show up honestly and try. Confidence grows with clarity, aligned experiences, and small wins over time.
Not always — but if you’re stuck in unhelpful patterns, feeling lost, or unsure how to show up differently, a dating coach can help you get clarity, build confidence, and create momentum.
“Seeing what happens” often leads to confusion and mixed signals. Dating with intention doesn’t mean rushing — it means you’re clear about what you’re looking for *while* being open to what unfolds.
Work With Dr. Lida Far — Your Modern Dating Coach for Intentional Relationships
- Matchmaking
- Dating Coaching
- Relationship & Sex Therapy
🌐 matchedbydrlida.com
📅 Book a consultation
📸 @matchmakingbydrlida
🔗 LinkedIn
💌 Newsletter sign-up on her homepage!
How to Date with Intention Starts Here: Get Clarity with Dr. Lida Far
If you’re navigating the chaos of modern dating, a little expert insight goes a long way.
Dr. Lida Far is a Matchmaker, Dating Coach & Relationship Therapist who helps people date with clarity (and less burnout).
Want Dating Photos That Reflect Confidence and Intention?
Let’s be honest — first impressions matter, and your dating profile should look like you on your best day, not you pretending to enjoy rooftop mimosas you didn’t order.
→ See how I do confidence-based dating photography
Because how you show up visually? That’s part of dating with intention, too.
Hi — I’m Shannon O’Malley.
I’m a Minneapolis-based (soon-to-be Dallas, TX) photographer specializing in online dating profile photography, personal branding portraits, business headshots, and senior sessions. I work with people who want photos that feel natural, confident, and genuinely reflective of who they are — not stiff, overproduced, or performative.
My approach is rooted in natural light, ease, and emotional intelligence. I believe the best photos happen when people feel comfortable enough to be themselves — and seen enough to trust the process. Whether someone is stepping back into dating, refining their professional presence, or marking a meaningful season of life, my goal is always the same: to create images that feel honest and quietly powerful.
With over 15 years of experience behind the camera — and a journey that includes single motherhood, entrepreneurship, and a national CBS feature — I’ve seen firsthand how much impact the right photos can have. A strong image isn’t about vanity. It’s about clarity. It’s often the first impression that shapes how others perceive you — before you ever get the chance to explain yourself.
This blog is where I share insights on photography, visibility, confidence, and showing up with intention — both on and off camera.
When I’m not photographing clients, you’ll usually find me with my husband, my son, and our beautifully blended family — soaking up everyday life here in the Twin Cities (for now). We’ll be relocating to Dallas, Texas in 2026, where I’ll continue offering my signature photography experience for daters, creatives, and business owners throughout the DFW area.
If you’re here because you want photos that actually feel like you, you’re in the right place. I’m glad you found your way here.
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