Dating with confidence is easy to reduce to a collection of rules: say this, don’t do that, wait this long, look for these signs.
But confidence in dating can involve something much broader — how someone approaches choices, standards, dating apps, outside expectations, and the pressure to be chosen.
That is why I wanted to bring another professional voice into this Expert Voices on Modern Dating series.
For this conversation, I spoke with Carla Romo, a Professional Certified Coach (ICF), author, speaker, and dating + relationship coach whose work includes one-to-one coaching, dating-profile support, and short coaching sessions for specific dating and relationship questions.
My professional lane is different.
I’m a dating profile photographer + profile strategist. I work with the visual introduction — the photographs someone chooses, how those images work together, their order, the lifestyle cues they communicate, and the overall first impression a profile creates.
So throughout this conversation, Carla owns the dating and relationship advice. I’ll stay focused on where that intersects with visual representation and dating-profile strategy.
Two Different Professional Lanes
Carla speaks to dating, relationships + the choices people make within them.
I focus on how you are visually represented before those conversations and connections ever begin.
Meet Carla Romo
Carla’s work centers on dating and relationships, and her current services include individual Dating & Relationship Coaching, an Ask Me Anything session, and Dating Profile Makeovers. Her broader work also includes speaking and writing.
I originally interviewed Carla because I was interested in what she was seeing among people navigating modern dating — especially the tension between wanting connection and feeling worn down by the process.
Her perspective is hers. Where her answers touch the dating profile itself, I’ll add the photography and first-impression piece from my side.
Helping over 1,000 singles ditch the drama and date with confidence—no games, just real results.
Carla Romo on Modern Dating
I started with the broadest question: what is she actually seeing in modern dating right now?
Q: What’s your take on modern dating?
Carla Romo · Expert Response
“Modern dating has completely shifted. We’ve gone from organic connection to algorithm-driven chaos. My clients are burnt out from swiping, confused by mixed signals, and stuck in a loop of almost-relationships. I help them cut through the BS, break toxic patterns, and date with clarity so they’re not just chasing chemistry, they’re building real connection.”
Carla’s answer speaks to the experience she sees through her coaching work: burnout, mixed signals, repeated patterns, and the difference between simply pursuing chemistry and being more intentional about connection.
I’m going to let her own that part of the conversation.
What I see from a different angle is how quickly dating apps ask people to form an impression with very limited information.
A few photographs. A few prompts. A short bio.
That is not enough information to determine compatibility — but it is enough to create a first impression.
And that first impression can be clearer or more confusing depending on the choices you make.
How Swipe Culture Can Affect Dating Confidence
Q: How does swipe culture affect confidence and the way people approach dating?
Carla Romo · Expert Response
“Swipe culture can make even the most confident person feel disposable. I help clients shift from ‘am I good enough?’ to ‘do they meet my standards?’ My dating app guide Swipe Match Spark, (which is actually how I met my husband), gives the tools to own one’s worth, stand out on the apps, and date with intention. Confidence isn’t about playing games; it’s about showing up as your whole damn self.”
One piece of Carla’s answer is especially relevant to the way I think about profiles: the tendency to approach dating apps from the position of trying to earn approval.
That can show up visually, too.
People sometimes choose photos based almost entirely on what they think will perform well — even when the resulting profile feels disconnected from who they actually are.
The goal of a dating profile should not be to manufacture a version of yourself designed to appeal to the largest possible audience.
It should help someone understand who they are looking at.
Your Profile Is Not an Audition
The goal isn’t to attract everyone.
It’s to help the right people recognize you.
A strong profile gives someone useful information about you. It does not need to turn you into a character designed for maximum approval.
Dating With Confidence Means Having a Choice Too
Carla Romo · Expert Response
“You’re picking… not being picked. Stop auditioning for love and start owning your standards.”
The useful shift in Carla’s perspective is that dating is not only about whether someone chooses you.
You are participating in that decision too.
That is Carla’s coaching lane, so I would stop there rather than adding another set of rules about gut instinct, standards, or when someone should walk away.
The profile parallel is much simpler:
You don’t need to shape every part of your presentation around being universally appealing.
You need enough clarity that both people can begin deciding whether they want to know more.
That’s the vibe Carla helps you carry into dating. Photo by Shannon Kathleen Photography
Dating With Confidence Without Someone Else’s Timeline
Carla Romo · Expert Response
“I should be married by now. I should have found someone. I should give this person more time… even though I’m not really feeling it.”
Carla’s point here is about the pressure people can feel from age, expectations, previous relationships, or what they believe they “should” have accomplished by now.
I don’t need to turn that into a universal relationship rule.
What I can say from behind the camera is that I routinely photograph adults at very different stages of life.
- Some are dating again after divorce.
- Some have been single for years.
- Some are trying dating apps for the first time.
- Some simply realized the photos on their profile no longer look or feel like the person they are now.
There is no single visual template for what a person dating at 35, 45, 55, 65, or beyond is supposed to look like.
Your photographs should represent you now.
From the Photography Side
Your dating photos don’t need to prove where you “should” be.
They need to represent where you actually are.
Where Dating-Profile Photos Enter the Conversation
Dating confidence and dating-profile photography are not the same thing.
A professional photo session cannot determine how confident someone feels in relationships, who they choose, or what happens after two people meet.
What photographs can do is improve the quality of the visual information someone receives when they first encounter your profile.
That matters because people don’t experience your dating profile one piece at a time.
They experience the pattern.
A strong dating-photo lineup usually gives someone several different pieces of information rather than repeating the same portrait six times.
The Visual Introduction
Strong Dating Photos Work Together
Current
Someone should be able to recognize the person they would actually meet.
Varied
Different expressions, settings, framing, and activities reveal more than repeated headshots.
Specific
Lifestyle context can show something useful about how you actually spend your time.
Cohesive
Photo selection and order should create one understandable first impression rather than mixed signals.
None of that guarantees more matches, better dates, or a relationship.
It simply gives your profile a clearer visual foundation.
And sometimes that is the piece that needs fixing.
What I Took From Carla’s Perspective
Carla and I work on very different parts of the dating experience, but there is one useful overlap in this conversation:
Dating does not have to be approached entirely from the position of trying to be chosen.
Carla addresses that through her work around dating choices, standards, patterns, and relationships.
I address it through presentation.
Your dating profile does not need to make you universally appealing.
It needs to give another person enough clear, current information to decide whether they are interested in learning more — while giving you room to make that decision about them too.
A Clearer First Impression
Your profile is an introduction.
It is not the relationship.
Work With Carla Romo
If Carla’s parts of this conversation are what resonate most — dating choices, patterns, relationships, dating apps, or wanting individualized coaching around those subjects — that is where her work comes in.
Carla currently offers 1:1 Dating & Relationship Coaching, 30-minute Ask Me Anything sessions, and Dating Profile Makeovers, along with other resources through her website.
When the Profile Is the Part That Needs Help
Sometimes the dating question is not really a relationship question.
It is:
What is my profile communicating before anyone ever talks to me?
- You may need stronger photographs.
- You may already have good photographs but be using the wrong combination.
- Your lead image might be weakening an otherwise strong profile.
Or every individual piece may seem fine while the overall profile creates an impression you never intended.
That is exactly what I look at in a Match-Ready™ Profile Audit.
Not Sure What Your Profile Is Saying?
Match-Ready™ Profile Audit
I’ll review your current photos, photo order, prompts, bio, profile flow, and overall first impression — then give you clear, prioritized recommendations for what to strengthen first.
Explore the Match-Ready™ Profile Audit →Personalized human review · $295 · Photography session not required.
FAQs About Dating With Confidence
In this interview, Carla’s perspective focuses less on trying to earn someone else’s approval and more on paying attention to your own standards, choices, and what you want from the dating experience.
Carla Romo is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF), author, speaker, and dating + relationship coach. Her current work includes individual coaching, short Ask Me Anything sessions, and dating-profile support.
A photography session cannot guarantee confidence or change someone’s relationship patterns. What it can do is provide a current, intentional set of photographs that represents the person more clearly and gives them stronger visual options for their dating profile.
No. Dating coaching can address dating behavior, relationships, standards, patterns, and other parts of someone’s dating life. My work is centered on dating-profile photography, photo strategy, photo selection and order, and visual first impressions.
No. Sometimes new photography is the priority; other times existing photographs can work better through stronger selection, ordering, or a more cohesive profile. That is one of the things I evaluate in the Match-Ready™ Profile Audit.
Dallas-based dating profile photographer + profile strategist and founder of Shannon Kathleen Photography, creator of Dating Photos That Work™. Shannon specializes in dating profile photography, visual first impressions, photo strategy, photo selection and order, and natural portraiture designed to feel current and genuinely representative of the person being photographed.
Her work has been featured by CBS/WCCO, CNN Newsource, Bella Grace Magazine, Rangefinder, and other media outlets. She serves Dallas–Fort Worth year-round, with occasional Twin Cities dates + travel by request.
More About Shannon →
